


Making Roommate Lemonade

by dapatty, ermengarde



Series: Lemonade Verse [1]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Community: pod-together, Gen, Homophobic Language, Podfic, References to Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:31:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Ryan ditches Spencer to live with a <em>girl</em> so Spencer is stuck with this guy that no one's ever heard of (not even Mikey, and Mikey knows <em>everyone</em>). </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Written by Ermengarde</p>
<p>Podficced by Dapatty</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Roommate Lemonade

**Author's Note:**

> There are references to homophobia in this story, and some instances of homophobic language, used by a character about themselves (although they are not internalizing homophobia). If you'd like more information please drop Ermengarde an email (email on her profile).

  
**Download Links:**  
[mp3](http://dapatty.parakaproductions.com/Making%20Roommate%20Lemonade.mp3)(22MB) | [podbook](http://dapatty.parakaproductions.com/Making%20Roommate%20Lemonade.m4b) (13MB) 

This year was going to be great; Spencer was finally out of stupid freshman housing and into the palatial delights of Lanman House - by palatial he meant more or less private bathrooms, a hotplate and a fridge... Spencer's definition of palatial was possibly a little screwed up, but whatever, he'd spent a year in a room with peeling wallpaper, a stoner roommate and forty three other people sharing his shower, Lanman was going to be _amazing_. (Okay, so, he'd _actually_ spent most of year hanging out with Ryan, in Ryan's suite at Lanman house, bitching about the stupid freshman housing rules, but still).

Anyway, it was _going_ to be great, then Ryan decided that things with Allie were _serious_ and that he'd rather live with his girlfriend of _five months_ than his best friend of _fifteen years_. 

Spencer's not bitter that Ryan's ditching him and the plans they've been making since they were pre-teens, Spencer's just a little _sub-optimally happy_ about getting a random roommate assignment when he could totally have arranged to share with, like, Jon or Dallon or someone if only Ryan had thought to give Spencer more than five minutes notice that he was going to do all his decision making this year with his dick. 

Spencer tried _all_ of the arguments to persuade Ryan to give up his plan of living off-campus in a tiny rat-infested hole, but not even guilting Ryan about decapitating Spencer's Superman action figure, when Spencer was 8, worked, so Spencer's stuck, moving into his suite nine days before classes start, just so that he can get there first and claim the best bedroom, and then waiting in, day and night, to _welcome_ B. Urie.

Spencer does fully intend to be welcoming; just as long a B. Urie understands that Spencer's bathroom organization and shelf filing system are the only reasonable way for things to be arranged. (He's given B. Urie a _whole half cabinet_ for food; Spencer is _amazing_.) 

It doesn't help that no one seems to know who B. Urie _is_ , not even Mikey, and Mikey knows _everyone_. Mikey even knows that weird kid that that never goes to class, who may or may not actually _go here_ and who keeps inviting everyone out to see his band play in really skeevy bars and basements. Mikey's even been to _see_ the band (and says it's almost as good as weird-kid-Sean Von... Van... something says it is). 

What Spencer's saying is, if Mikey Way doesn't know someone then they probably don't exist.

 

(Spencer may have said as much, to Mikey, in front of Frank. Frank then offered to come over and perform some kind of exorcism. Spencer is never saying anything in front of Frank again; he can only cope with _one_ middle-of-the-night encounter with Frank, a bottle of holy water, an actual incense burning thing from an actual Church and a Bible that Frank may (or may not) have been trying to set on fire.)

 

So, barring nocturnal acts of Frank Iero, Spencer's mostly been hanging out in his totally empty residence for _four days_. No one else is back from vacation yet and Ryan only answered his cell once and he's definitely too _busy _to hang out with Spencer.__

__

__Spencer is not bitter, Spencer is already ahead on his reading, he is making academic lemonade (and planning to guilt the fuck out of Ryan. Whatever, he's got time to plan)._ _

__On day five all fucking _hell_ breaks loose._ _

__

__B. Urie, as it turns out is (a)a sophomore transfer, (b)a music major who's as yet undecided between performance and composing and (c)a big, big, big fan of Capri Suns (he's _already_ fucked up Spencer's careful kitchen organization because he arrived with, like, an industrial quantity. There are Capri Suns in Spencer's raw meat Tupperware. Thinking about it makes Spencer grind his teeth). B. Urie is also called Brendon, and Brendon _cannot be quiet_. _ _

__Spencer knows _every single thought_ that runs through Brendon's head, the moment it happens... he knows about Brendon's dislike of unpacking, his love of the sun, and of birds, and of all things Disney Princess, he knows that Brendon has a map of campus but is probably going to get lost on his way to register for his classes, because he knows that Brendon can't read maps, he knows that Brendon doesn't really like green very much, but he's sure that their couch will be _super_ comfy because color isn't a sign of comfort... It's been less than an hour and Spencer knows that he is probably going to finish out the semester in jail for committing murder one._ _

__

__"Hey, Spencer, you know the Dining Hall?"_ _

__Spencer rolls his eyes. Brendon's been here less than twenty four hours and he's already lost count of the inane questions. "Yes."_ _

__"Did you know that they don't let you put cheese on the cereal? Like, I get that it's not everyone's taste or whatever, but I thought being a student was supposed to be all about freedom of expression? My creativity is being seriously stymied."_ _

__"But. Why? You. Why?" Spencer literally cannot make any sense of this conversation at all._ _

__"Experimentation, Spencer, it's for _science_."_ _

__"That's not science, that's revolting. Also we have a kitchen, where you can eat whatever you want. If you stopped using it as a Capri Sun repository then you'd maybe have space for your weird culinary experiments."_ _

__Brendon looks over at where his fucking Capri Suns are spilling out of the fruit bowl and bites his lip. "Yeah, but they don't let you take food out of the dining hall. I think they think you're trying to cheat them or something."_ _

__Brendon pouts. It is _not cute_._ _

__

__Spencer takes to skulking. He's good at skulking, he used to do it all the time with Ryan when they wanted extra cookies and Spencer's mom said no. He skulks to the kitchen when Brendon's in the shower (and rearranges stuff, so that things are in the right places), he skulks out of the door when Brendon's crawling around on the floor looking for a lost straw to drink his fucking Capri Sun with, and he basically spends as little time as possible in the suite and no time at all in Brendon's company. But, like, subtly, without actually telling Brendon that he's avoiding him or anything. Spencer's just being busy, that's all, he just has a busy life with lots of friends and no space for the crazy loud guy who lives in his suite._ _

__And then it's time for classes to start and Spencer is _actually_ busy; he has to register for classes and catch up with his friends and he finally gets Ryan to leave his apartment for coffee, and by the time that he catches his breath they're nearly a month into the semester and Brendon's rarely ever home, and the Capri Suns have stopped their takeover bid. _ _

__

__It's great, really, it's _almost_ like having a single, except with more space, and the tiny little grain of nagging guilt that Spencer had over kind of abandoning Brendon when he first arrived evaporates in a cloud of eye rolling when Spencer sees him hanging around with Pete Wentz. _ _

__Spencer is friends with Ryan Ross, so Spencer recognizes the hero-worship expression that Pete Wentz seems to inspire in people. Spencer absolutely does not understand why someone so crazy and loud, and who's so into showing off on the internet that _everyone's_ seen his dick is such a figure of adulation, but anyway, Brendon's fallen in with Wentz' crowd of ridiculous, loud, assholes, all of whom seem to have serious fucking family money, or in Pete's case, a business selling fucking _T-Shirts_ to support their party-hard lifestyle. Brendon turns up on some of Pete's advertising flyers and Spencer maybe kind of bitches with Ryan about it sometimes, saying that Brendon must be totally great at giving head for Pete to choose midgety Brendon as a model over Bill or Gabe._ _

__

__Classes get crazy, super quickly. Sophomore year is _so much harder_ than freshman year was, and Spencer starts counting the days until Thanksgiving break about a week before Halloween. In Spencer's suite, Halloween lasts a week and a half (until Spencer gets too irritated at the garbage sack bats hanging from the ceiling and rips them, and the banner Brendon made saying "Welcome to the Graveyard", down. Brendon looks puzzled when he comes back from whatever Wentzian bacchanal he was at on a _Tuesday_ night, but he doesn't say anything)._ _

__Finally, _finally_ Thanksgiving break arrives and Spencer and Ryan fly back to spend the Holiday with Spencer's family in a flurry of half-done assignments, dirty socks, and Ryan's billion and six scarves. Brendon gets up early to wave Spencer off to the airport, which is weird, but Spencer figures that Brendon hasn't even _started_ packing yet, so the early start will help him out._ _

__

__Thanksgiving is busy and full of food; Spencer figures that his mom feels like she has to fit all her mothering into the holidays now so he submits gracefully to the onslaught of food and forced haircuts and clothes buying (and he figures that he's not being a horrible son when he insists on going shoe shopping alone - with Ryan - because the fewer people Ryan inflicts his socks on, the better). His dad keeps slipping him money, too, but Spencer figured out it made him feel happy right back when his parents were getting him all unpacked and set up at the start of freshman year so Spencer lets him, and makes Ryan accept the folded twenties, too._ _

__As always, they head back with far more than they came with and Spencer's dad insists on paying the excess baggage charge (which is good, it's a fucking stupid amount of money to spend on sweaters and food)._ _

__

__The suite fucking _stinks_ when Spencer unlocks the door, and he nearly gags._ _

__"What the fuck? Brendon? Are you fucking dead in here?"_ _

__A very faint noise comes from Brendon's room and Spencer wonders if, maybe, Brendon is actually in the process of dying right that moment, and he's suddenly worried enough to drop all of his million bags right there in the doorway of their suite. People _do_ die at School, sometimes, and there'd been that story going round, freshman year, about how they, like, comped your grade or whatever if your roommate died. It had seemed quite a good deal at the time, but really, Brendon's super fucking irritating and everything, but Spencer doesn't want him _dead_..._ _

__"Brendon? Bren!" Spencer shoves open the door to Brendon's room and a wave of nausea rolls over him...the stench in the main room was _nothing_ compared with the smell in Brendon's bedroom. "What the..?"_ _

__"Spe..." Brendon breaks off into coughing, and Spencer walks right into the stuffy room and flings open the window. The cold air probably sucks for someone with what sounds like a fucking pneumonia, but the heat's on and stewing in a room full of stale, germ ridden air has to be even worse than chilly air._ _

__"Did you get sick on the plane?" Maybe Brendon came back earlier, got one of the cheaper overnight flights or something, red-eyes ALWAYS made Spencer sick so, he had, like, sympathy._ _

__"Uhhhh." Brendon starts coughing again._ _

__"I'm going to get you some water." Spencer eyes the mound of tissue by the bed. "And some Kleenex."_ _

__Spencer tends to be a little bossy sometimes, he knows this, Ryan fucking hates it when Spencer has to look after him and he's never pulled any punches in pointing out Spencer's faults, so Spencer knows that he's probably over-stepping some kind of boundary when he goes back into Brendon's room and tries to make Brendon sit up and drink some water._ _

__Brendon doesn't seem to want to sit up, but Spencer's determined to at least hydrate him, so he shoves an arm under Brendon's shoulders and hauls him up._ _

__"Fuck!" Spencer is shocked at how thin Brendon feels, like every bone in his back is sticking out._ _

__"Mmmh?" Brendon's head is turned towards him, but his eyes are kind of glassy and out of it._ _

__"When did you last eat, Brendon?" Spencer's nausea is back, threefold. He knows what naturally skinny looks like, Ryan's built like a bird, but he also knows what too-skinny, not-eating looks like, and this feels more like lack of food than a fast metabolism._ _

__Brendon makes a soft noise. "Wednesday?"_ _

__"Jesus fuck, you didn't eat Thanksgiving dinner? Didn't your folks notice?" Spencer doesn't know a whole lot about eating disorders, not really, but he really feels that _someone_ should have noticed Brendon not eating Thanksgiving dinner. _ _

__"They don't...." Brendon starts coughing again, and doesn't stop until Spencer makes him sip some water. "The dining hall's closed over holidays." Brendon puts his hand on the bottom of the water glass. "Enough, I'm tired."_ _

__Spencer feels like someone hollowed out his insides, but he helps Brendon lie back down to sleep._ _

__Then he calls Mikey Way. "I need Pete Wentz's number."_ _

__Mikey rattles it off before he thinks of asking why. "You don't really like Pete, do you? That's Ryan. Are you gonna join the drama group or something?"_ _

__"What?" Spencer likes Mikey, it's very hard not to, but sometimes his logic is very...special. "Why would I want to join that?"_ _

__"Credit? Gee joined for credit, and then he made me join and it's kinda fun painting scenery or whatever, and, you know, good for scoring chicks."_ _

__"I'm _gay_ Mikey."_ _

__Mikey sounds unperturbed. Which, to be fair, is how Mikey sounds all of the time. "It worked for Gee and Frank. And, like, Pete and I had a thing, so... yeah, I guess not just chicks, for the scoring thing. Hey, you're not trying to, like, pick up Pete, are you? He's not really into the gay sex thing."_ _

__Spencer splutters. "But, you just said you had a thing with him."_ _

__"Yeah, I did, just, like above the waist, you know? Plus, I think he's in love with Patrick anyway."_ _

__"I...what?" Spencer has no idea what's happening in this conversation. "Look, I need to go, and call Pete and kick his fucking ass about letting my roommate starve himself."_ _

__"That doesn't sound like a Pete thing to do." Mikey actually sounds a bit like he's having an emotion. "Didn't he, like, give B a job so he'd have some money?"_ _

__

__Spencer's stomach hasn't stopped rolling since he walked into Brendon's room, and now it clenches painfully. Something totally fucked up is going on with his roommate and now Brendon's sick and Spencer feels like he's possibly a little bit responsible._ _

__

__Pete Wentz sounds concerned when Spencer calls him and tells him Brendon's sick. "Oh, poor kid, tell him it's fine about the shoot tomorrow, I'll postpone it. Did he catch it when you guys were flying back from Vegas?"_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"The Holiday line flyers, I wanted to get them printed up this weekend, but I can wait a couple of days if B needs it. I know he wanted the money for Christmas."_ _

__

__"No, I...well I didn't know about the shoot, but that's kind, but..." Spencer is practically stuttering, _none_ of this makes any sense. "Flying back from Vegas?"_ _

__

__"Yeah, it was nice of your folks to invite him for the holiday - my family's super fucked up, so it was good that he had somewhere to go and I didn't have to bring him with me."_ _

__"Yeah." Spencer is actually going to vomit._ _

__

__Brendon is out for the count when Spencer goes to check on him, so Spencer goes to the store and buys a million different kinds of medicine and soup and Gatorade and fruit. He can't fucking work out what's been happening with Brendon, so he's going to make Brendon get better and then he's going to shout at Brendon until Brendon explains it all._ _

__Spencer feels a lot better, now he has a plan._ _

__

__It's a crap plan. Brendon takes _days_ to get better and he won't look Spencer in the eye at _all_. Spencer catches Brendon trying to leave the suite while Spencer's out at his Accounting lecture- cancelled, due to snow - catches him practically coughing up a lung in the elevator lobby, in fact, and Spencer is not going to have all his hard nursing work ruined._ _

__"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"_ _

__"Uhhh." Brendon's still coughing._ _

__"Back to fucking bed, unless you're going to the health center, which you're not, because it's closed."_ _

__"Uhhhh."_ _

__Spencer shepherds Brendon back to the suite and makes him sit on the couch. He's spoken with Pete some more, and Mikey's brother, Gerard, who Mikey said was Brendon's best friend of the crowd that hung around with Pete. Gerard is the kind of person that makes other people want to _confess_ things, because he's so fucking earnest all the time, and Spencer thinks he's worked it out, now, but it's horrible and he needs Brendon to confirm everything. "Brendon, did you stay here over the holiday?"_ _

__Brendon nods and Spencer swears quietly. Lanman is shut over the holidays, the Dining Hall is closed, the heat's shut off, no one's meant to be there. "Why?"_ _

__"I." Brendon starts and stops again. "I had problems with my flight."_ _

__Spencer knows there's more to it than that, not what, exactly, but Gerard had hinted at more. "Like, engine failure, or more what would be waiting at the other end?"_ _

__Brendon huffs out a nasty sounding laugh. "Oh. You found out, then? You can't get me moved, you know? There's a no discrimination policy here. I guess they'd move you, though, if you really can't bear to be near...."_ _

__"Wait, _what?_ What the fuck are you talking about?"_ _

__"I'm sure campus housing will be understanding if you can't stand to live with the gay boy anymore. I mean, I've never _done_ anything, but I have looked at your ass in underpants." Brendon sounds bitter._ _

__"I. What? Brendon, I've had boys staying here overnight, _with_ me at least four times since you moved in. I'm really not having a gay freak-out here... although that does.... Bren, did your family throw you out?"_ _

__"No." Brendon sniffs. "They asked me to conform to their beliefs and I couldn't. We came to a mutual understanding."_ _

__"Where you stay in an unheated room over Thanksgiving?"_ _

__"Where they helped me get my transcript and let pack up all my stuff before I left, so I could arrange a transfer here."_ _

__

__That sounds like being thrown out, to Spencer._ _

__

__Spencer can't fucking deal, not immediately, so he makes Brendon go to bed with some medicine and, like, a quart of Capri Sun._ _

__Spencer _knows_ he's lucky, his mom had known he was gay practically before he did, and he was never really afraid that he was going to get thrown out or anything for coming out. He was afraid things would _change_ , afraid of disappointing his dad, of his sisters getting bullied for having a faggot big brother, but he _knew_ , deep in his bones, that his family would still love him, no matter what. His mom had taken him on a long car ride when he was fifteen and somehow she'd made it easy to say that he liked boys, that what was making him grumpy and miserable was that Ryan didn't, and that Ryan had a girlfriend who made Spencer want to hurt things, but even then, even with knowing how much his folks loved him, coming out was really fucking hard. Spencer just wants to go home and hug his mom and dad, so tight, and then he wants to punch Brendon's parents in the face. _ _

__He has to make do phoning home, instead, and he feels close to tears when his mom finally picks up. "Hey, mom?"_ _

__"Hey honey, are you okay? I saw on the news that the snow's pretty bad up there?"_ _

__"Yeah, yeah I'm fine; they're used to it here." Spencer sniffs. "I just... I wanted to say thanks? For never..." His voice feels very thick in his throat._ _

__"Spencer, baby, what's wrong?"_ _

__"I just... Mom, can Brendon come home with me for the Holidays?"_ _

__"Brendon?" His mom sounds confused. "Your annoying roommate Brendon?"_ _

__"Yeah. I. He. I think I might, have.... Mom, his folks threw him out, he's sick because he stayed here over Thanksgiving and didn't eat and that could have been _me_ , except for you and dad are _good_ parents and if he's here over Christmas I think he might, like, get _really_ sick and no one should be alone over Christmas, please, please mom?"_ _

__"Baby, of course, of course you can bring anyone you like home, you just tell me all about Brendon and I'll make sure there are some presents for him under the tree that he'll like, too."_ _

__Spencer scrubs at his face. He feels about five years old, and now his mommy is fixing everything.... he knows she _isn't_ , some things can't be fixed, but he takes the comfort, just for the moment. "He really likes Capri Suns..."_ _

__

__Brendon tries to argue about coming home with Spencer for the holidays, but Spencer has _decided_._ _

__"You don't even _like_ me."_ _

__Okay, so, Spencer hasn't really made an effort to make friends with Brendon, but apparently Brendon's told everyone _else_ in his life that they're friends; Pete and Gerard and all of the drama crowd, so Brendon's just going to have to live with it. "Yes I do. I haven't even _tried_ strangling you in your sleep."_ _

__"That's not liking, that's just not being an attempted murderer."_ _

__"Wrong."_ _

__Brendon gives and exasperated sigh. "Fine, freak. I can't _afford_ to come to Vegas with you, I only get tuition covered and I missed, like, two modeling gigs for Pete, so I don't have enough money for books next semester, let alone plane tickets."_ _

__Spencer shrugs. "Ryan subbed in for you, the money's in your account, and anyway, my parents already bought your ticket."_ _

__"What? I can't accept that!"_ _

__"They're non-refundable." Spencer shrugs. "You're just going to have to. You can, like, help my mom with the dishes or something."_ _

__"Fuck. _Spencer_ >"_ _

__"We leave next Wednesday, at four. Ryan's picking us up in his terrifying car. Have your bags packed and your affairs in order."_ _

__Brendon deflates and leans forwards until his head's on his knees. Spencer pats his shoulder. "Try to bring some dirty laundry with you; Mom seems to like washing clothes."_ _

__

__

__Brendon does not bring dirty laundry with him. He doesn't even let _Spencer_ bring dirty laundry with him... which means Spencer brings pink socks with him instead, because Brendon's not very good at laundry, but that's okay, Spencer can show him, Spencer is making _roommate_ lemonade (he's not telling Brendon that, Brendon's not quite got over the not-strangling thing yet). Perhaps this year will turn out great after all._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Ermengarde notes: Patty, I adore you, and this world's not finished yet, I look forward to creating more of it (and of you expanding some of Sean, to boot :)) ♥
> 
> Dapatty notes: Clara, I am in COMPLETE and TOTAL love with you. You are magnificent to work with and I had a blasty blast. I look forward to charming you more with Sean and just ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!


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